Friday, 9 May 2014

Anxiety part 2

So...after yesterdays post...things went even more wrong.

I walked to the exam hall and started panicking. After calling my therapist, I relaxed a bit more. Then I turned around...

Nearly 300 people then walked at the same time into the building.


Tears, throat closing up, dizzy, weak...if it wasn't for two of my close friends, I would have hit the deck. After bundling me into the building, an invigilator took me to the side and let me do the exam by myself.

Unfortunately, damage has already been done. I messed up that exam BIG TIME.

I am so upset and frustrated with myself. My lecturers have been amazing, they waited for me at the end to reassure me and start making plans for the next exams. 

I am now registered with a doctor here who prescribed me with some tablets for the anxiety and I will be given a room to myself to work in. 

To be honest, I am gutted that I have reached this point. If it wasn't for being suspended almost two years ago, I would be fine. Failing exams and turning my life into a mess has left me a mess.

However, these things are sent to try us. I just want to thank my family for putting up with my blubbering phone calls, my hypnotherapist for also dealing with similar calls, my lecturers for making the situation as best as it can be...and to my friends. You know who you are. The ones who get me out of my room and distract me, the ones who I giggle about with, the ones who I rant to. You are all amazing, I don't know how I get through the days without you.
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Thursday, 8 May 2014

Typing through a panic attack.

As I am typing this, I am crying.

Since around 10:30, I have been going in and out of panic attacks.

The reason? Exam anxiety.

I failed an exam a few years ago, which pretty much threw my life into jeopardy. It was the reason that I started this blog.

I have even reached the point where I have had alternative therapies for this anxiety.

In an hour, I will be walking to my first exam of this school year. Damn straight I am freaking out! The reason for these short paragraphs is because my fingers are all over the place, shaking. Blood pressure is sky high. Body keeps tensing up and relaxing. Feel like I cannot breathe. Head hurts.

But it's fine. It's okay to be scared. I wouldn't be human otherwise.

In the meantime, I know I have my therapist and my Mum on the end of the phone if need be. I am chowing down on the Rescue Remedy Gummy Stars (which work wonders may I just add!) and I can only try my hardest.

And breathe...
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