The thing is, I feel better in clothes like this, than an outfit that is "on trend."
This outfit made me feel good and confident. So I rode for the first time in a while and my ankle injury didn't flare up.
Another reason why life is pretty damn good.
My bargain Musto polo shirt from Matalan. £42 down to £8 or something ridiculous like that. Only when I got to the til did I realise it was a Zara Phillips one.
My brown jodphurs are by TBK and were a Christmas present. I love these as they look fab and have that lovely strip of light brown around the pocket. They aren't the stretchy ones though, so are a snug fit. These are usually about £25-£30.
My riding boots are by Just Togs and are about £40ish? I like them because they are steel toe caps. Candy has big feet that go everywhere! It's also reassuring that I can get close to the horses and not worry that they will crush my feet by accident!
I love my chaps so much. They are by Tuffa and are the suede half chaps. They are comfortable, fit so nice and if they get dirty, I can brush them clean.
In terms of other riding gear, I wear a Charles Owen Skull Cap and my favourite gloves are my Ariat Tek Grip in brown. (Surprise surprise!)
Any other riders out there? What are your favourite riding clothes?
Exactly a year ago it all went horribly wrong...a year on it is all going right!
Maybe I was destined to take this year out? I feel like I have grown so much.
I have learnt to be strong and to deal with situations to the best of my ability. I have made friends with a gorgeous group of people. I have realised who my important people are.
I have become ME.
My name is Ashleigh Stevens; I am nearly 21 years old and as of October, I will be attending Part 2 of my course at the University of Reading.
The battle I have been fighting for a year to 9 months is now here.
A year ago I found I failed my exam the first time. 9 months ago I found I failed the re-sit.
At lunchtime today, I will find out if I have passed or not.
This whole process has cost me so much:
- Mental exhaustion, stress, depression
- Stress on my family
- A lot of weight
- So much money spent
- I have lost friends
- I have lost my relationship
- A lot of my faith in humanity
Yet I have come out the other side as a much stronger person. I'd like to think anyway.
The sad thing is, that even if I did pass, I don't know if I want to go back. I fought the battle for this long, but maybe it was for the point of fighting the battle? The whole experience has been tainted so much.
Another sad thing, is that I am so used to failing now, that I am pretty sure that I will have to stay anyway.
Either way, I can't wait to get it out the way. I am crapping myself.
I was preparing to write a negative review but as I keep sniffing myself obsessively, my opinions are changing.
Weirdly I tested this perfume on my shoulder so I look like I am breathing in my armpit scent.
This is why I blog in my bedroom. Alone.
Anyway, I digress.
Lady Million by Paco Rabanne has top notes of neroli and lily of the valley, with woody undertones and accents of honey and patchouli...
To you and me, lots of pretty flowery scents.
It smells really nice actually; I hated it when I put it on, but as the scents settle, it smells lovely. Really light and flowery, without being overpowering and reminding you how bad your hayfever is.
The lightness of this perfume is a big selling point for me, as the scents are clearer and more fresh.
Opinions from other people seem to be pretty good too. Not the usual, "you smell good!" but after I commented that I tried this perfume, my friend said that it smelt good!
To be honest, I don't know if I would buy this, but that is purely my indecisiveness around perfume. For £36.50 for a tiny 30ml, I'd have to be pretty damn sure that I like it. That and I have never bought myself perfume, I usually get it as a gift, so I am so stingy with it!
Then again, if someone gave me that much money to spend specifically on perfume, I would go straight for it!
Part 7: Okay.
From the point where my last post finishes, a lot has happened.
I have:
- Sent way too many dodgy SnapChats
- Worked my arse off, earning money wherever possible.
Back at my old job...gardening!
- Sung to the top of my lungs in the car.
- Shopped an awful lot.
- Spent time with my family.
Snapchatting with the fam too!
- Finally braved riding my horse. (Currently dealing with the pain!)
- Made new friends
- Gotten drunk and crashed down a bouncy castle slide. Crashed off the side too. Many times...
No wonder I was in pain!
- Filmed a few YouTube videos
- Completed a course that makes me Health & Safety store champion (Getting me closer to my chosen career!)
- Run around the streets at 3am with Jade, Stacey and Bruno the puppy!
- Sorted my room out so that it feels fresher
- Danced to Bon Jovi A LOT.
- Listened to this video way too much. Bruce Springsteen AND Jon Bon Jovi. HEAVEN.
However I think what is more important is that I am happy. Sometimes I am driving my car and I realise that I am smiling to myself. I have no reason to; I just keep smiling.
For the past few weeks I have realised a few things:
- True friends and family will support you
- The support from fellow bloggers will always make me smile
- I can be sad, but it doesn't mean I have to hurt myself in the process
- I am more disappointed that I have lost my best friend, than my boyfriend
- Bon Jovi never change and their music makes me eternally happy
- Life goes on.
I was planning on doing this series of posts for a bit longer, but I don't want to look back at how I have felt recently, because if I do, I want to think of the fun, happy times.
I don't want to be sad about him either, because I have been thinking of some of our memories and they were good. They still make me smile. Any problems at the end, well that was clearly a sign, but I wouldn't change anything.
No regrets, they don't work.
No regrets now, they only hurt.
Now it is time to keep living life like I have been recently. Having fun, taking each day as it comes, taking all opportunities that arise, saying yes more. These past few weeks have been amazing and this is how I want to see in my 21st!
You know when you think you have been SO organised then realise you really haven't?
My recent YouTube video has been like that.
I filmed this video about my recent freebies, (because I haven't been able to do a blog post about them) then realised that I had a bunch more to include. May have found them under my car seat. Lovely.
I'm hoping to get a bit better at YouTube videos, any ideas or advice would be appreciated haha!
Part Five: Depression without realising.
(Normally when I am depressed I tend to starve myself and hide away. This time it was different.)
This is where the days merge.
I work a lot. I sit at the house, staring at the telly with a glass of wine or a bottle of beer (or more) every night.
I go to work early and leave late. If need be, I work for free.
Time is wasted just staring and cuddling the horse. I can't ride anyway, my ankle hurts again.
One day I go to work and I am finally on the same shift as my main manager. I am in way before the store even opens. So I rant to him. A lot. It's the same stuff that I have told everyone else, but who cares?! He doesn't say much, he looks busy. Never mind.
Work a long shift.
Bump into the manager at the end of said shift.
"Maybe it's a good thing. You thought it would happen anyway. It'll be alright."
I must be in a permanent state of confusion! I thought I did not write last months empties post, so I DOUBLED up this month's post...turns out I did. OH GAHHHD TIME WASTED. Ooops.
So, here we go!
Facial Skincare
B Pure Micellar Water
This stings your eyes like...I dunno, something painful. Probably not as good as higher-end brands, but I like it as a pre-cleanse.
Would I repurchase? Already bought one!
Biore Deep Cleansing Pore Strips.
They're alright. On Andy they worked RIDICULOUSLY well. For me, not so much. Were good for stripping the oils off my nose though.
Would I repurchase? Maybe.
Dermalogica Ultracalming cleanser
I say this every month, a great cleanser, you can even use it on your eyes.
Day Three: Exam Day
Wake up to the sound of a bed vibrating extensively. Alex is deaf so has a thingie that makes his bed vibrate so he wakes up. It's 6am. Ouch.
Get up and dressed. Have a mild panic. Everything is getting too much recently.
Meet up with Saeed who is an economics genius. Revise a lot.
Lunchtime. Agree to stop and have some fun to put me in a good mood. Watch videos of drunk people.
Meet Alex again. On a constant panic. Walk to the exam in the pouring rain.
Get into the exam. Am sat away from my coursemates. Feel a bit lonely! Keep panicking. Keep thinking about him, missing him. Start crying in a panic.
Man up. Do the exam.
Launch oneself at Alex once it is all over. Head to Mojos for a celebration pint and chips. Nearly beat him at pool.
Head to Park Bar. Meet my (hopefully) future coursemates. Drink pints WAY too fast. Sing Bon Jovi songs with Saeed.
Get a taxi at 7:00 and go to the station. Get on a train. Put bag on seat next to me. Face plant into bag. Fall asleep for 25 minutes.
Stumble around London. Reach St Pancras. Spend £32.84 in Boots, getting all the bonus points, offers and freebies. Somehow.
Take shoes off because they pinch.
Laugh at strange man on the platform taking pictures of the train information. Take a photo of him. (Realise the next morning that you look more weird as you pretty much photographed your foot.)
Sleep on the train. Get a lift home. Drive to the house.
Day Two
It's bank holiday Monday. As I am incapable of saying NO to my manager, I found myself working the 9-13:30 shift. Wages are time and a half, but on a shift like that, sometimes it doesn't seem worth it.
(Could customers note that patience is a WONDERFUL virtue and if you all decide to go shopping on a BANK HOLIDAY you should expect to wait a little while.)
Leave work feeling proud of myself that I didn't have a meltdown.
Go back to the house. Pack.
Go to the yard where they are having a BBQ. After discovering that Mum has discovered someone else's cider, I work my way through her pack of Budweiser.
Laugh. A lot. Not all drink induced.
Smile. Knowing that my family and friends are always there.
Panic. Realising that I might miss my train.
Get on the train. Head to Reading. Try to revise.
Give up. Start Snapchatting everyone.
Fail at taking a photo of my music.
Try again with the photo. Listen to Taylor Swift. Singing out loud? Possibly.
Deal with delays on the Circle line.
Receive texts from EVERYONE asking if I was there yet. Phone duplicates messages. Miss a train after being in a drunken laughing fit.
Get to Reading. Get a taxi; brand new Mercedes E Class. Pretend I am being chauffeured. Like Kate Middleton. But blonde and not pregnant.
Meet my friend Alex. Camp on his floor overnight as I was meant to be staying with the EX and due to Bank Holidays, the uni hotel wasn't replying to emails.
If you have read my blog recently you will know that I was DUMPED. :(
*cue* "Aaaaall by myyyyseeeeelllff"
As I am one of those people who likes to be productive and focus on other things and people, I thought I would show all you lovely people how I am getting over this little *situation* and it might provide some inspiration for anyone else in a similar *situation*.
Part one will not be that helpful, just shows you my mentality really! Eeek.
Day One.
The deed was done by 6am. (By text, just sayin')
In an emotional state, I stumble around the house, feed the cat and dog, break into my car and drive home to my Mum's.
Can't get in the front door. Chain is on. Try to break into the back door whilst parents are looking out the front door. Turns out back door was open all along.
Fall into Mum's arms. Have big hugs.
Lay on the kitchen floor for 20 minutes with Bob the dog. Allow him to give me kisses.
Rant to Mum about life.
In my angry state, remove the photos of him from around my mirror. Go to throw them in the bin. Wonder if I will regret it. Put them all in the box of memories that I have. I can deal with that when I feel stronger.
Have a shower. Go back to the house. Get ready for work, text the girls.
Get to work early. Moan to my manager. Get bundled with hugs and kisses from my girls. (I love you all.)
Work my arse off all day. Wonder if I am radiating *single* fumes as the old men keep flirting. Eeew.
Leave work. Have a friend to stay in the spare room as I don't want to be alone. Order Domino's.
Check Facebook. See that he has changed his relationship status and removed the nice things about me in his "About Me" area are deleted.
Shock hits me. For the first time all day, I cry big time.
Eat lots of Domino's. Drink a lot of beer.
Sleep.
Keep an eye out for Part 2 of my Heartbreak Recovery series!
